Ambiance, Adventurous Eating, and Grilled Cheese

I have always had a pet peeve for picky eaters. 

I felt like I was not allowed to be a picky eater. I was not allowed to say rude things about my food, and I had to eat whatever I was given. (My mother informs me that I was not as cooperative as I remember, and it was not that simple. I stand by my memories.)

At any rate, I always envisioned my children as cosmopolitan and sophisticated (at least palate-wise), traveling thither and yon and enjoying varied delicacies from around the world--and in these fantasies, everyone had perfect manners, of course. 

But I have a confession.

I have a picky eater. Or two. Or three. 

Oh, the shame! 

I want to be able to go in any restaurant and know my kids will be delighted to try whatever specialty they are offered. I absolutely, categorically refuse to spend money on a meal at a restaurant that I have to argue my children into eating, or, worse yet, that they don't eat and it all goes to waste. Therefore, some preparatory training is required before we travel and eat at restaurants. If I'm honest, right now they usually just order the grilled cheese or chicken fingers.

I started them out ok. As infants and babies, we introduced a variety of foods and textures and all the flowers in the garden were lovely. Then, it started off with texture issues. My sensory-overload tending child started having some problems and we discovered he does not like his food mixed, and there are some foods that just make him gag, so I gave him a pass on those, for the most part. I still held the line about complaining, though--and he will gag down whatever I give him (in as minimal a portion as possible) and then wait for the next meal. Ok, still acceptable, I guess, though his complete lack of adventurousness when it comes to food kind of popped my bubble over that exotic-delicacies-travel-food idea I had--oh well!

The next sign of picky eating was my little lawyer-child. Once he discovered his own will, every meal became a debate--exactly how much of what I gave him was enough? Were there any other options? What nutritional value does this food actually have? Why can we not, in fact, have cookies for dinner? And finally, with a distressingly neat and respectful delivery, this child would inform me that it wasn't that he didn't like whatever I was serving him, but just, it really wasn't his favorite and, in fact, it made him feel just a little sick, so he better not eat it because he wouldn't want to be rude...and by the way, this is just so spicy, could there please be an un-spiced serving set aside next time?

Finally, was my never-hungry child (and let's be honest, by child number three, the balanced-eating or thoughtfully-prepared toddler meals were a thing of the past. Her first solid food was french fries--or possibly pizza crust?). This child combined the "How many bites must I eat?" mantra along with a consistent plaintive cry of, "But I'm just so full already!" This is, as it happens, my most adventurous eater, and the Never-Hungry title might be misleading. This child is a grazer. Huge volumes of food are, in fact, devoured by this child, but over long periods of time and in tiny servings. She loves fruits and veggies and sauce and variety...but only a little. Which really isn't a problem and will probably serve her well over the course of her life. But it's also a maddening addition to the cacophony of discontent around...food. And it is logistically challenging for set meal-times and an attempt to stem the flow of snacks in our lives.

As my astute readers may have realized, this means that I have three children who have a smorgasbord of picky-eating tendencies. I only have three children. This means that 100% of my children..are...

Picky. Eaters. 

Ignore the grinding noises. That's just my teeth. 

Side note: how is it that kids somehow intuitively know how to divide and conquer? If they all cried out against the same thing, it would be a simpler response. I could come up with some clever quip or hack and we could overcome the issue. But no--if one is happy, the other two are inevitably unhappy, and they're not even unhappy over the same thing!

For example. My husband makes delightful banana pancakes, and two out of three of my children like pancakes. But one child loathes pancakes, and syrup. He gags on pancakes. How is that possible? It's literally CAKE FOR BREAKFAST. But on the other hand, when he's requesting a simple replacement of scrambled eggs...which is actually the only healthy part of the pancakes anyway...I find myself making him a separate little pan of scrambled eggs. And toast, because, carbs. Oh guys, I gave up SO. EASY.

Then we have salad. One of my kids LOVES SALAD. One of my kids likes it ok, assuming there is plenty of dressing and not too much TEXTURE. But the third child refuses dressing (or any interesting vegetables) and chokes down the bare minimum of a DRY SALAD bite by bite...

I could go on. 

Anyhow. I can easily control their behavior. I can force a façade of good manners and demand meals of compliance (if you must gag, gag silently to yourself!) but I don't just want compliance. I want to actually train them to like a variety of good food. For our family, while practicing decent manners in the meantime {ignore that banging noise; it's just my head} I have found a few tricks to overcome picky eating and up our exposure to new things in a context that makes them actually want to try them.

Tricks to Help Kids Enjoy New Food

1. Ambiance and theme.

I love creating ambiance. My absolutely most successful method of expanding my kids palates is by doing themed food (snacks or meals) with a book or movie. We ate a bunch of new things along with the Little House on the Prairie book, for example, or they are willing to try ANYTHING off The Great British Baking Show (I make a really good coconut-curry-carrot soup and Guinness-and-steak-pie meal). My next plan is for some oriental-style stir-fries and dumplings and such that they've balked at in the past while watching One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing and I anticipate great results from the soy sauce scene. It is so dumb, and so silly, BUT IT WORKS. Tea parties have also been a big hit, even for my boys. They will CHOW DOWN on cucumber sandwiches and tiny little radish rosette garnishes. (I like how this not only expands their eating repertoire, but it also brings stories to life--which is, as you know, one of my passions!)

2. Kids help prep the food. 

When the kids are part of the process, they are 100,000,000,000 times more likely to eat it. My texture child loves mixing up things and cooking them--when he helps with the prep, I think the sensory experience (seeing it as he prepares it; smelling it as it cooks, touching it as it goes in the pan, etc.) gives him time to acclimate to the idea of the food, and he is less likely to at least start out gagging. We are blessed that his sensory issues are minimal and I haven't even ever bothered to get anything diagnosed or checked. I realize many kids with sensory issues cannot get over food textures this easily; you know your child best.

3. Kids help grow/process food.

Remember my kid who chokes down dry salad? When we have a garden and grow salad, I try to always have him take part in the cutting/pulling/harvesting of whatever we're eating, and then he does the initial rinsing, too. This personal interest increases his willingness to at least taste the horrible, awful things I want him to eat (Spinach! Radishes! TOMATOES!). If you don't have a garden, even just growing herbs and letting them be part of harvesting those can make a difference.

4. Kids “help” plan the menu.

You know how Joanna Gaines , Pioneer Woman, Southern Living, and Martha Stewart (and all those other lovely resources) have mouth-watering pictures of food? Let your kids look at really well done options and help set the menu (avoid the dessert books; that's all I have to say). The books are designed to get you to try their recipes. Save yourself a little mental burden of trying to convince your kids that asparagus can be truly delicious, and let the people who are literally paid to make asparagus look appetizing do it for you. It's kind of like "working the soil" of their minds and prepare them for a new taste experience. When I let my kids choose between lemony asparagus and parmesan asparagus they are much more willing to eat the one they helped to choose.

5. Have an context (and reasonable expectations) for "adventure eating." 

We do a weekly movie night with a less-traditional meal. Sometimes, I admit, it's straight-up pizza night from Dominoes. But sometimes I use it as an opportunity to expand those palates. One of my favorite methods for this is to do a charcuterie board of whatever I'm introducing. I've used this for literal charcuterie (olives, cheeses, crackers, grapes, meats, and various spreads) but also for a variety of veggies and dips, for baked potato bars, for soups/toppings, and more. They know I expect them to at least TRY everything once--and if I serve that option three different times, odds are, after they've tried it three times, even if it's not a favorite, the struggle is over.

5. Pair New Things with Favorites.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. The kids like hot dogs? Try a brioche bun instead of their usual bun. They're eating burgers? Give them a bite of (mild) green chile to try on it. My kids love cheese pizza. They don't want other things on their pizza--but when I had them go out and cut basil out of our herb garden and add it themselves...suddenly it's their new favorite taste sensation! We've done subtle changes, like topping fries with a tiny bit of parmesan and white truffle oil or bigger changes, like basing a dish on couscous instead of the usual rice. It's a kind of baby-steps way to push against those mental boundaries. Somethings are still not much loved--but at least they tried it!

So yes, we're still a work in progress, but we're slooooooooowly getting to where I hope we can have peaceful, non-picky, adventurous meals together. The key is to not get complacent (which I'm really bad about) and always settle for the easy and the familiar. Some seasons of life, you just fall back on comfort food, and that's ok--but when you have the capacity for it, go ahead and try something new! 

If worse comes to worse, they can still just order grilled cheese or chicken fingers.