The Stress Response: Gratitude (Part 4)

 Welcome back to our series on mastering stress!. If you missed the original Stress Response Article or Part 1 (Assessing Your Stress, Part 2 (Understanding Your Stress), or Part 3 (Am I Safe?) of this stress series, I highly recommend you read those before you check out this next segment. Regardless, read on for some amazing tools to help you deal with chronic stress.

Before we really dig in to stress mastery today, I want you to try an exercise with me. Take a moment and think of a situation in the last 24 hours that stressed you out. Now pause, and consciously be thankful for your stress. (Say what, crazy lady?!)

I know, I know. 

It might seem counterintuitive to take a moment to “appreciate” your stress, but remember, in its proper place, stress is actually a good thing—it gives a beneficial boost to our brains and bodies, flooding our system with adrenaline and sharpening our minds—which is great if you’re trying to finish a project before a deadline or avoid being hit by a truck. The problem is when stress gets outside its proper place or continues beyond in a chronic stress pattern. We need to re-focus our stress lens and approach our stress, initially, with curiosity .

If you can recall that specific event within the last 24 hours that “stressed you out,” stop for a moment and think—how was my stress trying to help me in that moment? Was it helping me respond quickly to a crisis situation (when my son dumped a bucket of compost on my front doorstep five minutes before guests were due to appear) or sharpen my thinking (when I was cranking out an article for my mom  right before the deadline) or give me a boost of adrenaline (when my daughter fell off the trampoline and I sprinted across the yard to make sure she was ok)? Or perhaps it was a response to an attack on Scriptural truth on social media making me want to head down the warpath. Some of these, the stress response helps to launch us into appropriate action; some, my higher functioning executive brain needs to help me remember that patience is a virtue and discretion is the better part of valor. (Note: All of these "emergencies" were screaming at me to deal with them, "NOW! NOW! NOW!" But there are certainly varying levels of the actual need to respond at that moment, in addition to the method of response each situation requires.)

Did I utilize the “gift” of the stress or was I consumed by the stress? To be clear; as the situation unfolded and then life moved on, did the stress stay in its place as an acute response to an isolated situation or did it permeate the rest of life and maintain a chronic level of stress beyond that situation?

We already discussed the initial "survival" response to stress responding to the question, "Am I safe?" is to take a breath and be still before the Lord, taking our needs to Him in prayer. 

What happens next?

Am I loved?

Next we move on to the emotional core. The simple trick here is so obvious (and you probably already know this!) but it's incredibly powerful. It turns out, gratitude can literally heal and rewire your brain. 

It's true. 

Tons of studies show that regularly practiced intentional gratitude can help stop and heal depression, anxiety, and a multitude of other issues--and those are the things we see after uncontrolled stress has already worked its damage on our brains and bodies. Gratitude is every bit as useful before the issue wreaks havoc, and it be both proactive (we'll talk more about that in our next post) and a response in the moment of stress. The most effective response to your emotional core asking, "Am I loved?" is to practice gratitude in that moment for at least something in that very circumstance. 

If the design of our brains is such that gratitude is so powerful--even in a secular context, without taking God into account--imagine how powerful it can be as Christians, with the abiding Holy Spirit in our hearts, if we actually and with intentionality practice apply gratitude in our lives? 

Let's explore this a little further--because, perhaps counterintuitively, I'm not just saying to think of something you're grateful for in general--I'm talking about being grateful for the exact same situation that is causing you stress, (even being grateful for your stress)--yes, be grateful for that. (We're getting into some deep Pollyanna stuff here, people!) 

Remember, your stress response is actually a gift to help you cope with a situation. But we need to learn out to shift out of acute stress when it is not needed to prevent chronic stress. 

The Bible tells us (over and over and over) to be thankful. It goes so far as to tell us to give thanks FOR EVERYTHING. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (I Thessalonians 5:18) Seriously, check out some verses about giving thanks: “Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;” (Ephesians 5:20), “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him;” (Colossians 3:17). And there are heaps more verses like this—it’s not a one time fluke in Scripture.

How can we be grateful for stress, or stressful circumstances?

I’m so glad you asked. The answer is, we can look at our situation and ponder, “How might this be used for good?” We're getting back to something I mentioned above; ultimately, we need to train a new stress lens.

As Christians, we have a unique and ultimate answer here, which I think we need address first—though I warn you, it is also an uncomfortable truth!  Sometimes we just have to be grateful in hard (read: stressful) circumstances simply in faith that God knows better than we do. I know that doesn’t help you feel particularly grateful in the moment, but it is true, and sometimes that’s what faith has to look like. Remember: feelings are real, but not always accurate. That being so, we can practice gratitude for something without feeling grateful. But we don’t stop there.

As Christians, we can look at the bigger picture. This is the nitty-gritty of resetting your stress lens. I tend to think of it more as keeping perspective—an eternal perspective.

For example, I may be super stressed-out about my husband’s work schedule. But a proper perspective would keep in mind how blessed we are to have a reliable income right now and how God has called me to be the kid-and-home-keeper for this season. I might be frazzled and anxious over my chaotic and messy house because of my three kids, but an eternal perspective would remind me how amazing it is that God allows me to steward these three precious souls for a season as their mother and to prioritize character over productivity. I might be stressed that after a long, exhausting day homeschooling and everything else, I still have to make dinner and I seriously don’t think I can handle ONE MORE THING. But a proper perspective in that moment would be to treasure the ability and opportunity before me to nourish my husband, my children, and my self with physical sustenance—and I could take it even further. I have no lack of food; I have the opportunity to cook in a comfortable environment; I can enjoy the sensory experience of cooking; I get to practice a skill or art for the people closes to me, to the glory of God. (Or I could realize that I'm putting a demand on myself tonight that God is not calling me to do--I could decide that it really is ok to load up and eat at Sonic. It depends on your situation!)

My circumstance hasn’t changed, but the lens (perspective) through which I see it has. I change what I prioritize, adjust expectations, and as a result, the stress of the situation is very much downplayed and diffused. Don’t underestimate the importance of appreciating your stress—or rather, exchanging a simple acceptance of stress for gratitude--it is a powerful tool! Not to mention, it obeys Scripture. As a dear friend of mine would say, “Wow! It’s almost like there’s a God or something!”

There are heaps and tons of studies about how you can cultivate a habit of thankfulness and literally re-train your brain for gratitude, and these same studies show an impressive array of benefits—including lowering stress, anxiety, and depression rates. Isn’t it amazing that God designed us so that if we practice obedience in this, we can retrain our brains to gratitude and thankfulness, and in so doing, we re-train our stress lens. Nifty, right?

Final Thoughts

Friends, I am not going to lie to you, practicing these things, especially gratitude can be hard work. Particularly in stressful moments or seasons--but that's when we need to practice them the most. It is not easy to be grateful when you don't feel grateful. But what do I always say? Feelings are real, but not always accurate! We CAN be grateful without the feelings--and remember back to our little foray into Scripture a few paragraphs ago? We are called to live our lives in a context of faith and gratitude--seeing through the lens (or perspective) of  trusting and being thankful to God. Do you see how these two steps encapsulate a momentary decision to practice those two things--faith and gratitude--despite our circumstance? And isn't God good, that the very things we're called to do in obedience to Him are the same things that will help us master our stress? 

 It's worth mentioning, now, that we will not thrive or be able to maintain a sustainable practice of faith and gratitude if we try to do it in our own strength. We can grunt it out for a while, sure--but that's not how it's supposed to work. When Jesus was talking to His disciples before he went to the cross, he told them, "I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I am leaving; for if I do not leave, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you." (John 16:17) If you have the indwelling Holy Spirit then you have the ability to walk in the Spirit--and that is what differentiates us as Christians in this era of history from the rest of the world. That difference gives us a unique advantage when it comes to mastering stress. Walking in the Spirit can sound intimidating or mystical (when it's really not) it it's not how you grew up thinking about it. For now, I'm going to simplify it into the acronym, PRAY.

In this situation, PRAY means to simply: PAUSE - REPENT - ASK - YEILD. You pause when you realize that you're definitely leaning on your own strength, which is clear when you have sinned. You repent of that sin. You ask for the Holy Spirit to lead, guide, and help you (or, "fill" you--not to be confused with indwelling you; because if you're saved, you're already indwelt--He doesn't leave when you sin--but He is also definitely not controlling you when you sin! So you ask Him to take the driver's seat or sit on the throne or whatever analogy makes the most sense in your life.) and you yield control to Him. (And then, when I sin thirty seconds later, I have to repeat the process...but that's part of sanctification and learning to have--hopefully--longer and longer stretches where the Holy Spirit is leading, not my flesh and sin!)

Hopefully that whirlwind system of walking in the Holy Spirit makes sense--I hope to do an in-depth, Scripture-heavy post all about that one of these days, but I wanted to make sure it was at least introduced and mentioned here, since I think it is a key aspect of a successful Christian life, particularly when we're talking about stress. And you all know my definition of success, right? Success means doing your best in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results to God. We can apply that to everything, including our endeavor to master stress!

We've covered a lot today--I know it's like trying to drink from a fire hose! Now that we've covered the basics of addressing those acute stress brain functions with practical responses instead of depending on unhelpful reactions, I am excited to introduce some proactive tools to maximize your capacity and set you up for success! But for today, I’d like to leave you with this challenge: 

Next time you find yourself spiraling in stress, stop and thank God for three things. And then, when the next things comes up, do it again. That's it!

Extra Credit for Moms: When your kid is spiraling, encourage them to stop and thank God for three things, too! You will be helping them reset their stress lens too--and you're equipping them with tools that will last a lifetime.

See you next week! (Click here to go to the Finale: Part 5 - Increasing Your Capacity.)

This article is part of a series originally written for the Crossroads Women's Ministry Blog, cbcwm.blogspot.com. Special thanks to Katie Kimball for launching me on this stress mastery journey!